Long Time No Speak...

Didn't really know what images to use for this post, so I thought I'd use my summer ball ones. Apologies if you've already seen them a million times before.

hey, so long time no speak.

A lot has changed for me in the past couple of months and in all honesty I'm feeling a little lost. Scrap that, I'm completely in the dark. I'm about to close the biggest chapter of my life and embark on adulthood. Like proper adulthood, no stabilisers, no safety net - just me and the big wide world. 

According to the thousands of Pinterest quotes, this fear is totally normal and happens to everyone in their 20's. So I just keep telling myself that there's more people out there feeling the same way as me, it's either that or there's one other lost person in their 20's with a lot of time on their hands and a knack for writing relatable quotes. 

I knew that university was going to be a massive learning curve but I think I underestimated how much. I hope one day I can look back on it and not wince at all the wasted time I spent on people instead of getting the most out of my degree for me. I'm sure if I did, I wouldn't be leaving completely doubting everything I've loved for the past 5 years. I'm not sure my hearts still in it. I hope in leaving the toxic environment, that the place I've called home has turned into, I can remind myself why I loved it and why I put so much blood, sweat and tears into musical theatre. 

I thought I did all my changing and growing into who I am at school and college. I thought I knew exactly who I was by the time I came to university, in reality I hadn't a clue. I still don't. Same goes for the people in my life. I'm writing this three weeks away from the end of the year and multiple people I thought I knew, I mean really thought I knew, have dropped the curtain and revealed the act they've been playing for the three years. It's soul destroying because you put so much time, energy, love into people and they played you for a fool. And the Oscar goes to...

So this is where I'm at. Not in the best place. I guess it's fitting as it's mental health awareness week and mines currently in the shitter. I know it's not all doom and gloom, I'm surrounded by the most supportive friends, I've got an amazing family and it's three weeks until I can close this book and open a new one. It's absolutely terrifying but exciting, I guess? At least that's what people keep telling me - 'You can be anything you want to be', 'you can achieve anything you want to achieve' 'you can do whatever you want to do'. All I really want to do is hop on a plane and sit in the sun until I've absorbed enough vitamin D to last a life time. I've already had too many regrets for one life time, it's time I stopped making more. 

I think I'm going to use this as the turning point. Get everything out of my system now and pick my sad ass off the floor and make myself proud. I need to find a little bit of the Liv that started university all that time ago, she was confident in herself and wouldn't take peoples shit. I'm glad she's now had some life experience, she might have been hurt.. a lot, but you can only learn. If you take anything from a bad situation, it's always the lesson you learnt. 

So here's to the next chapter. Enough of shallow beauty blogging - well I'm not stopping it entirely because I bloody love all things beauty still, I'm just going to put my heart and soul into deliciously-floral because it makes me happy and I have to promise myself to only do something if it makes me happy. I hope to god one day I look back at this and cringe at myself for letting everything get to me the way it has. I'll come back to this post in a year and update it. 

I can't wait to see what happens next.

Liv x

p.s I wrote this after half a bottle of rosé, apologies for the spelling/grammar mistakes. Or at least I'm going to blame it on that anyway.